The Sacred Grail of Swadhistana

Swadhistana Chakra - Mara Friedman

The rookery on the lane that leads up to the Brading Roman Villa had many of its number in residence today. Rookeries are normally frantically noisy and agitatedly animated but today around fifty rooks sat spread out amongst the branches in a Zen-like quiet, all facing the direction of the sun, obviously warming their bellies and enjoying the heat and light after the recent dark and rainy days. I could sense how good it felt.

Oscar the Grouch (our car – ‘Oscar’ being an anagram of Corsa and ‘Grouch’ because he is bloody miserable and spends most of his time refusing to work) is back on the road yet again after his clutch cable snapped for the second time in four months. He now has a shining new clutch and is in a good mood – this won’t last. I mustn’t grumble because Oscar – despite his many faults- enabled me to get out in the sunshine after a weekend of worsening symptoms. Last week, I watched as the man from the garage loaded Oscar up on his truck and took him away. I thought how great it would be if someone could strap me down, take me off and after a quick tinker, send me back fixed. In some ways, I can understand the attraction of a mechanical universe – this nut here, that bolt there, and voila, everything ticking away nicely again. Living, breathing bodies with histories and sensitivities, with complex layering and a host of hidden triggers that can propel us into physical crisis, are often not so easy to put right with a bit of an oil and polish or some mechanical jiggery pokery.

I have always been fascinated by the links between our emotional bodies/selves and illness; of how we each have places in our bodies that become illness hotspots, places where we hold on to stress or emotional turbulence, and these eventually articulating themselves through physical symptoms and ailments. My own problems with my periods started very young, long before the sexually abusive relationship of my teens but it hasn’t completely passed me by that these experiences have impacted on my relationship with my menstrual cycle; if this is already a place of difficulty genetically, then perhaps it makes it a sensitive area when crisis hits?

Thinking of the Chakra system, the womb and ovaries are linked to Swadhistana, the sacral chakra; it is the place of our emotions, the ideally unimpeded flow of these; it is sensuality and sexual pleasure, physical and emotional nurturance and the free exchange of these. These energies move out from us into the world and we keep the circuit moving by keeping ourselves open for these very things to flow back into us. It’s a kind of loop of love and connection, of movement and constant change and because of this is so important in the process of our creativity. It is the chakra of the dance of love and life.

When intimacy brings with it experiences of hurt, rejection or violence; when one side of the polarity blocks the flow of feeling in this way, it can lead to a psychologically stagnate pool developing deep in our feeling life. We can stop trusting and close down but this defensive act will never bring us happiness because this chakra looks outward to the world; it is the chalice that brims and overflows, its life-giving liquid streaming always towards another, those waters carving out a channel for that other to find us and touch us in return. This is not limited to sex of course, it is about opening to life, to the appreciation of all that exist beyond us, letting it impact upon us, move us, stir us and through it, accessing within ourselves a resonance with all creation. This exchange happens when we make love, when we are affected by art or music or nature, by the pain of others – it is the seat of our empathy and the depth of our humanity.

The experiences of my teens has meant that at points in my life, I have had to work hard on the issues and themes of this chakra and with all the recent crisis of my family life, it would seem that the flow of exchange is still an issue for me in many ways. To feel deeply is to engage with our vulnerability. The trick is to stay open, regardless of those times in our life when that polarity has been severed; no matter how many times we may have been hurt, we must give that flow and exchange a chance – often easier said than done.

I know that my life has become unbalanced – too much focus on crisis and not enough on pleasure. It is little wonder that the flow in me has begun to act like a wound that won’t stop bleeding. I have turned into the Fisher King and my wasteland needs the wisdom that only the Grail of Swadhistana can provide. I have misread the challenge: it is not how to deal with crisis and hurt – the challenge is not to run away from happiness. The problem now is, where do I start?



  1. January 25, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    Have been reading quite a lot over the last few years about the mind/body/spirit connection and I certainly believe that over time our body can hold all those negative emotions, thereby making any problems the body has worse! I think you have already started the challenge. Keep going. Much Love.

  2. luckyloom1 said,

    January 25, 2010 at 7:43 pm

    Hi Chris,

    Thank you for your support and encouragement. The struggle of the last couple of weeks has been made all the more frustrating because I had a brief glimpse of a part of myself that has felt submerged since my periods have become such an issue. I so want some easy times, some simple fun, and for the first couple of weeks of the implant I thought my god, this is it, finally I can get on a even level and start to rebuild a sense of balance in my life. It has really knocked me, like getting a glimpse of something wonderful and then having it taken away. I know there is no point in shaking a fist at god/des and that I need to find a positive way through. I think writing about it here is my way of coping – some moments feel easier than others. It’s been twelve days now and I feel exhausted and I am trying not to feel defeated. The biggest challenge is to stay connected to ones sense of happiness despite feeling less than well. It’s tricky but I have people who love and support me – there are always blessings no matter how blue we might feel.

    Take care my lovely one! Thanks for your comment. M XXXXXXXX

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